


Mercy Heart

by ObsidianRomance



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean keeps a lot of secrets from Sam because he thinks it's the right thing to do.  That's why he doesn't feel he needs to tell him about miscarrying a baby they didn't know he was carrying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mercy Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: This takes place after the season 8 finale but it doesn't really talk about the events other than the fact that they took a step back from everything going on in the finale.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I am just a girl who uses them to get my own frustrations out.

There are a lot of things in Dean’s head and he’s done a bang up job of ignoring all of them.

He’s thrown himself into finding some new form of normal for him and Sam.  With the trials aborted before their final task, and a semi-permanent home at the Men of Letters bunker, Dean’s been figuring out how to put Sam back together.  The easiest way of doing that, the best way Dean _knows_ how to do that, is to dive into hunting anything that pops up on their not-so-normal radar.

Sam’s too weak for a long while, but the semblance of a routine, even if Sam is just on bat for the time being, seems to be building towards something stable.  Dean falls back on old orders and things he’s learned long ago.  He finds ways to make Sam realize how important he is in this world and that there is something worth living for, even if he selfishly hopes that thing is himself.

It’s sugar coating the situation to say things between he and Sam have been _heated_ – and not in the dirty, under the sheets, passionate way.  They’d been thrown into a long game of power plays and wrong moves made in the name of pride.  The love between them was strained under the noose of hurt feelings and putting everything else going on in the world in front of dealing with their relationship.

Like always, however, things come full circle and they realize they can’t keep guarding themselves.  They let down walls and do their form of apologizing and suddenly they’re back to having a shot at actually letting each other in enough for it to _really_ count.

They don’t sleep together for a long while, well past the rest period Dean’s insisted on to make sure Sam isn’t going to break.  When body heat, hands, and mouths don’t seem to hold enough power to drive the intensity of their connection home, Dean offers himself up on a plate.  Dean’s not so great with words but he knows Sam will be able to read every ounce of meaning in his actions. 

Having Sam inside him is practically too much.  It’s not how things usually play out between them and that’s why he needs to do it.  He needs to give Sam something meaningful enough to let his brother know that they _can_ figure out how to make this work.  Sam’s still his brother, still something _more_ , and when Sam moves inside him it’s like they’re both drowning in the potency of what they can do together.  They come out on the other side more at ease.  And when Sam surrenders himself to Dean, it isn’t forced or out of pity.  It’s because they are both strong enough to do so, they’re strong enough to admit what they want to fight for it.

Dean’s been fighting for it so hard he’s kept himself blind to the things happening in his world that are screaming out for his attention.  He’s gotten lazy and should have picked up on it sooner but by the time he does, it doesn’t seem to matter anyway.

He finds himself hunched over in a dirty rest-stop bathroom, cursing a blue streak and wrapping his arms around his middle like they have a fighting chance of helping the situation.

The first thing that goes through his head is a mental sigh of relief that Sam is off interviewing people on the other side of town.  Old habits die hard and he’s never stopped trying to shield Sam from things that’s inevitable outcome isn’t impacted regardless of if he tells his brother.

The second thing that hits him is exactly what’s happening.  It becomes crystal clear in seconds, burning into his brain minutes before his body seizes up with another cramp.

“Fuck.”

He has no idea how he could have been so stupid.    Stifling another curse, Dean crashes against and slides down the wall of a bathroom stall.  He’s glad the men’s room is empty and his groans go unheard.  His hands are trembling while he fumbles with his belt buckle and he’s not sure if he can’t get it open because he doesn’t want to or because the pain is making it hard to focus. 

His fingers find exactly what he thought they would once his jeans are shoved down enough to give him access.  There’s blood, bright and glistening in the fluorescent lighting.  Cursing, he slams his head back while gnashing his teeth though a wave of pain.

It’s hit him so suddenly that his head is spinning.  He had no idea it could feel like this.

“Son of a…”  Gritting his teeth, the words die off in a groan and he feels a new wet rush between his legs and it’s too much to signal anything good. 

Ten minutes ago, Dean was contemplating sharing a six pack and some body fluids with Sam.  Now he’s realizing that he’s miscarrying a baby he didn’t know even existed. 

Hearing the door to the men’s room squeak open is enough to remind Dean that he can’t do this here…not now.

It takes every ounce of strength Dean thinks he’s ever mustered up to get himself presentable enough for making the trek back to the Impala without anyone noticing the violence going on inside his abdomen.

It takes even more strength to drive out of the parking lot.  He doesn’t make it far before pain floods his brain and he has to pull over.

Whatever is happening to him, it’s going to happen now, with or without Dean’s permission.

But he can’t do it here.  He can’t miscarry whatever is left of his and Sam’s baby in the car that’s been more of home to them than any other place on earth.  He can’t ruin the safety of it by covering it in blood from something they both created, regardless of how much it wasn’t planned for or didn’t fit into their lives.

Out of the car and leaning against it for some sort of comfort, Dean’s fingers scramble to find purchase on the ground as he feels another sickening rush of blood on his thighs.  It’s more than he would have thought but all of this is new.

In between trying to keep himself steady from the pain clamping down on his middle, he texts Sam and tells him he’ll be late.  He adds a snarky comment about not rushing perfection on his part of the day’s task.

Sam responds with the fact that he’s running late too but he hopes they can wrap this shit up soon because the woman he’s interviewing is getting too touchy feely.

Normally Dean would give his brother hell for that but he has other things on his to do list.  He throws the phone far enough away so that he can’t reach it and text Sam something foolish like the truth about what’s actually happening, despite how much he wants Sam to shoulder some of this.

He knows it’s not going to be over for a while, but it will be over enough so that he can function.

There have been hundreds of times in Dean’s life when he was certain that things couldn’t possibly be happening to him.  This is one of those times.  He hadn’t even known he could get pregnant.  It never happened before so he figured that was a sure enough test to prove he wasn’t a carrier. 

It never happened before.

So why did it happen now?

Sucking his lips in against a cry, Dean realizes he is mourning.  They’d never really talked about it but something inside Dean tells him that Sam would be mourning alongside him.  Somehow, that makes it worse.  It feels stupid but he can’t help it.  He never wanted to have a baby, physically at least, and his body is clearly on its way to making sure it goes along with that plan.

Even though he doesn’t want a baby, things happening on their own terms never sits well with Dean.  He’s angry even though a sick part of him feels like this is for the best.

The thing that isn’t meant to be, that would have hit so many walls of opposition, is better off being miscarried on the side of the road.

It isn’t the right time and with limited safety in their lives, he or Sam having a baby is more than reckless. 

This is better.

This is something he can shoulder on his own.

It’s agonizing on so many levels as it happens.  It’s almost like, now that his mind has acknowledged the pregnancy it’s in sync with the life flickering inside of him enough to know the exact moment it’s extinguished.  He’s exhausted but he can’t let himself be.  He has to pick up the pieces and shove them back into place so Sam doesn’t have to.

He’s not going to tell Sam.  It’s just one of those things he can’t and he’s perfectly okay with it joining the ever growing list of things they hide and lie about. 

In a way, it’s why they never seem to tell each other the truth about things that really matters; they never realize they should tell the truth until after the damage is done.  Still, Dean’s pretty sure they’ll learn.  The hard way.

They’ll learn but the damage done between them is going to be deep seated and hard to rub out.  Even then, they’ll overcome it because it’s what they do.  The higher the odds, the more determined he and Sam are.

It will happen.

Sam will find out.

But not today.

Today he’s going to pretend what happened isn’t a big deal.  Getting up from the grass, he finds a way to staunch the blood and clean himself up enough so that the fresh pair of jeans he changes into hide all evidence of the red color staining Dean’s mind.  Feeling sane enough to grab his phone, his fingers dial Sam’s number without looking.  Due to fighting against tears, Dean’s voice is harsh when he speaks before his brother can get a word in.  “Hey, Sammy.  I…I got into a little altercation…I’m fine…I…I’m gonna need something stronger than beer.  Can you…”

Thankfully, Sam gets it.  He doesn’t push, he just asks if Dean wants whisky or scotch.  There’s concern in his brother’s words and Dean knows taking on a face-to-face conversation with Sam isn’t going to be pretty.  He’ll use anger when he really needs to admit self-defeat and he’ll crumble a few bridges between he and Sam but they’ll survive.  And he’ll mourn.  But Sam won’t. 

And that’s okay.

Even if it isn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the angst. If you know me, you know I don't usually write mpreg!Dean. And if I do, he isn't happy about it.
> 
> This is me playing with some ideas because I have a pretty angsty mpreg!Dean 4 chapter story I was toying with over the summer and I didn't know if I could pull off mpreg!Dean with still being in character. There are a lot of authors who have and I adore them for it.
> 
> Plus - you know I am an equal opportunist mpreg-er. So...I switch it up often.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments are much appreciated. XOXO


End file.
